Holidays (plus a Diary entry)

Hey everyone! Happy Holidays :)

I know I've been completely absent, but school has started to become overwhelming and adding this blog to my list of things to fret about would have been too much. However, school is kind of what I want to talk about right now. Not coherently, or even with an end-goal point to make; I just need to get all of this stuff off of my chest.

I'm a junior in an American high school, a.k.a., "The Hardest Year of High School." I personally refer to it as Hell Year in my head. I chronically procrastinate, but it's never really affected me until now, and it's starting to completely freak me out. The work keeps piling up, not to mention the fact that I'm taking pretty difficult classes. I'm genuinely frightened by how much I have to do. I shouldn't even be writing this. I'd literally rather do anything than sit down and do what I have to do. My parents have been so disappointed by what I've done this year; they keep telling me that it's not acceptable, that this year is going to bring me down the rest of my life, and that I'm so much smarter than what I'm doing. That I can do better. My teachers do the same thing.

Why does our school system do this to people? I've never had anxiety before in my life, but this school year has brought me to tears more times than I can count. It's not fair. There are so many things that I can do, but all of it is invalidated by my academic accomplishments. My friends at school aren't struggling the way that I am, but thinking about talking to them about this makes me panic. I feel like this is my burden to bear, it's not worth bothering people over some thing that doesn't really matter.

I feel like I'm completely breaking down. Nothing is going right, and I just hate everything a bit more everyday.

Sorry for the rant you guys, but I feel a bit better now.

I'll talk to you all again soon.