Small Update

This blog is still a thing! My laptop is broken and has been for a few months and I hate writing on my phone so I haven't been able to post anything. I've also made a few personal decisions I'm still trying to orient myself to, and intend to change the theme of my posts to reflect that. This is going to be less of a diary type blog as soon as I get everything back together. 


mindlessly panicking in this general vicinity

I've always felt like I have a strange relationship with my future. Growing up, you always know it's eventually going to happen, but you have no idea what it's going to look like or feel like, or how it will change you. I feel like I probably have written about this before, but now it's become something so constantly on my mind, I'm starting to feel like I can't function as smoothly as I should. My senior year of high school starts in just over a month and I'm panicking. I'm panicking so hard.

Suddenly I realize I have actual summer work to do. Starting on Friday, I'll be on vacation in California for ten days, so that kind of throws that out of the window for actually focused work. I'll have time to read the assigned books, but that's it. Plus, one of them is Hemingway and I kind of hate him. His writing is over romanticized and boring. But I swear to god, the thing that is really going to push me over the edge of general nervousness into full blown anxiety is going to be college.

Thanks to the absolutely amazing system in my schools, I haven't actually taken an art class since sixth grade, because I play an instrument. I want to major in fashion design. I want to eventually go into costume design and work in New York and live in New York. I would prefer to go to art school. To get into art school, I need a fucking portfolio. Which I do not have. And have no idea how to make one.

I like to draw, yeah, okay. That's fine. But I have no experience with anything other than paper and pencil. I don't know how to paint. I don't know anything about the theory behind anything. I constantly feel like I'm already so far behind there is no time for me to catch up. I need to reteach myself how to sew and then actually sew something. I'm trying to overcompensate by taking two art classes this year, but the class at my school that's made for developing portfolios I'm not allowed to take because I haven't taken any art classes in high school, because I've been taking music classes.

I'm so fucking petrified that nothing will go right. Is that normal? I know that once I get there everything will be fine, but I can't shake the feeling that there is a huge chance I won't ever get there.


Philadelphia Comic-Con!!

Hello again! I feel like its barely been any time since I've seen you! probably because I started writing this within two minutes of posting the last one. anyway, you can see what this one is about!!

I've never been to a convention before, and my dad had never been to a comic convention before, though he did go to quite a few Star Trek cons back in the day, so we were both pretty pumped. We went on the Saturday (so...June 22nd? I think?) and there were so many people and everyone was excited, and wearing either awesome costumes or awesome t-shirts.

Mostly I just walked around, staring at all of the amazing booths. I spent twenty minutes at one artist's table debating whether I should get a winter soldier print or a captain America print. I ended up picking the winter soldier print which was really fucking lucky because ten minutes latter I found out that SEBASTIAN STAN WAS AT THE CON. And then I sprinted to where his table was because his line from signing was all gone so you could literally just walk up as say hello but I got there SECONDS after he left. I couldn't believe it. There may or may not have been some pouting involved. 

It was a lot of walking around, and just taking the time to soak the whole experience in. I took pictures with three different Loki's which was really cool. So many people all loving the same things together just makes me really happy.

Oh look! It's Merida again!

Fortunately for me, my dad is amazing and awesome and wonderful, and he got me a little ticket thing so I could get Sebastian Stan's signature! He went off to look around, and I sprinted over to watch the Winter Soldier panel with Anthony Mackie and Sebastian Stan (which was great, Mackie really stole the show) before speed walking back to Stan's booth, where I discovered that my dad had gotten in line for me a while back, and I could join the line much more towards the front than I had anticipated.

Because I was by myself at the panel, I managed to sneak up pretty close to the front!

Sebastian was adorable and awesome and complemented the picture as he signed and then got distracted by Mackie at the table over and started yelling at him. Then he started signing the picture in a different spot, so it said "To Morgan" in two different places. I was treated to a very nice long extended "SHIT" which was really fucking cute pretty funny actually before he finished up the signature thing. It was all very cute and I was smiling like a lunatic the whole time.

It was just a very nice day. I have one particular friend who is my go-to soul mate for all things fangirl, and I texted her the whole day too. And, I got an awesome Incredible Hulk shirt, which was harder than you'd think because apparently it is the law that all Hulk shirts totally suck or are for very small children.

I can't wait to go again next year, and hopefully for more than just one of the days. And I want to cosplay next year! Which should be fun. My fangirl soul mate friend and I already have like four pairs of people we want to go as. I'd be Bucky, she'd be Cap. I'd be Anna, she'd be Elsa. She's totally awesome and I love her and her sense of humor is the best. We go to see all of the Marvel movies together, and she's just as obsessed with Sherlock as I am.

Well, I seem to have gotten a little off track there. In conclusion, I loved it, I love Sebastian Stan, I love Anthony Mackie, I love my dad, I love comics, I love movies, I love TV shows, I love my fangirl soul mate friend, I loved everything.

Lots of love. See you guys soon. :)

Disney World!!

Hello all! I've finally decided to get off of my ass and start actually updating this, so its gonna be a few rapid fire posts just to get everyone up to date, since I'm actually going back a few months with all this stuff. Also, the cord to connect my phone to my laptop broke, so I haven't been able to move any of my pictures over.

Anyway, believe it or not, I went to Disney in April!! It was a trip with my school band and it was absolutely amazing. We left on a Thursday afternoon, and bused down overnight. I happen to be one of those gifted with the ability to fall asleep anywhere, and my best friend (who sat next to me) is not, so in the morning she was a little grumpy that my inert body had blocked her way out of the seats all night. Our director gave us all our tickets, and off we went to explore!

We started in the parks early on Friday afternoon at Hollywood Studio and began breaking off into groups. My two friends and I decided that the tree of us would stick together, since the rest of the people assigned to our designated grown up were all two years younger than us. The tickets were jumper passes too, which gave us entry to all of the parks on all of the days we were there, so we basically were set free to roam as we wished over the entirety of Disney World.

I'm really cute, I know

It was fucking awesome. There was no rush to do "family" things, nor any obligation to be anywhere at any time, except back at the buses at nine every night to go to the hotel. My friends I was with don't like roller coasters, so we had time to look at how amazing the sets all are, and see more than I did last time I went.

Do you see that cityscape? That is FLAT. I can't, you guys. I cant even

Obviously, there were some band obligations, so we actually had a really cool Disney clinic on Saturday morning where we learned about sight reading, and techniques to become more confident musicians. It was a room set up for recordings, so we got to hear ourselves on playback almost immediately, and adjust our playing for the next take. In the end, we played a selection of "A Whole New World" that was then synced up to the video from the movie. On Sunday morning, we performed in Downtown Disney, and let me tell you, it was REALLY HUMID and all black doesn't really vibe with humid Florida.

They were putting on a show about dreams and TRU LOVE. The best part was when Maleficent showed up in a puff of smoke, and disappeared the same way

Anyway, back to the good stuff.  I got to go on my favorite ride, the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror, twice, and we visited all of the parks (mostly two in a day, so Hollywood studios and the Magic Kingdom, Epcot and the Animal Kingdom) and we went to see the Finding Nemo Musical, which was really cute. but the highlight THE HIGHLIGHT BEST PART EVER  of the trip, was when I got to meet Merida.

It was Sunday before our performance, so we had to be back at the buses by 11, I think, and so we were in the Magic Kingdom trying to figure out which of the places on our meal vouchers opened before one in the after noon.We walked across the park to one that looked okay and served more than just chicken nuggets and I kept looking around like "Oh my god, those are the clan flags from Brave! What are they doing here?"
And suddenly, across the path from our group, I saw them opening up the line to meet Merida! And when i say opening up I literally mean that when I got in line I was only behind like maybe seven families.

So I wait in line for a while, cause guess what? There are actually two levels of line. So you wait in the outside line, and then you get moved to the inside-the-area line. So I guess I was technically behind thirteen families. Eventually my group had to get their food without me because I refused to leave the line. But I got in, finally, and when it was my turn gave my phone to the camera guy, who did an awesome job, and I finally got up to Merida and we talked about how rough curly hair is maintenance wise, and how my mouse ears looked like bear ears, and she called me a curly-haired princess, and I maybe teared up I was so happy.

I can't even begin to explain how Merida even started to mean so much to me. I cherish that movie. Everything about it spoke to me and issues I was having with myself the first time I saw it. I'm the oldest daughter in my family, so that immediately struck something in me, and I don't have the easiest relationship with my mother, and I just love that movie and that character so much. I love it so much.

On our last day in Florida, we went to Universal Studios. I spent as much time as I could in Harry Potter world, but unfortunately, the roller coaster inside the castle made me majorly motion sick and I had to sit down and ride kiddie rides the rest of the day. I got an awesome key chain though. Gryffindor!

And then we drove back overnight again. YAAAYYYY.

I also managed to meet Rapunzel, Snow White, Tinkerbell, and one of Tinkerbell's friends. But like seriously though. Merida. I cried happy tears.

Well, signing off again for now! But I'll be back really really soon. I'm trying to divide events so they each have their own post, instead of some monster that no one will ever look through all the way. So long. :)


siren song of the counter culture

Hey everyone! I'm back from a break I was taking from life, pretty much, and I've been feeling a lot more like talking about things that have been bothering me. I mean, the point of this was to finally get my feelings out into the world, so I might as well. Get ready, I don't think this is going to be pretty.

Mostly, I'm struggling with this thought that I've been wasting a lot of time. We're learning about the 1950s in my history class, and the beginnings of rock and roll along with the development of youth culture has been a fairly significant part of the last week. I love all of it, and I think it's really interesting, but my teacher has this way of stating for a fact that everyone is going to settle down and have a family someday that puts me on edge. The other day he said something along the lines of:

"Teenagehood is the age of rebellion. It always has been. Your parents knew that too, but one day you'll grow up and find that there is a game to be played, and if you want to win, people realize that it's better to fall into those lines."

And suddenly I was sitting there in class, filled with abject terror that someday I would think that way too. Does it happen all at once? Will I suddenly wake up one day at twenty three and decide that the counter culture fostered and nurtured by teenagers is no longer worth it? Or is it more like a slow, crawling death, where I watch everything that I used to love draining of color until they aren't interesting anymore?

I have adored the idea of rebellion and counter culture and the gorgeous underbelly of society for so long, but I haven't done anything about it for fear of ostracizing myself. I don't want that to matter any more. I thought I was waiting until I had more opportunity, or more money, or more time. Apparently that window closes the moment I grow up. Wasn't college supposed to be my time of rebellion too?

I don't want to waste anything else. I want to discover new music, new people, new problems, and new places, until I can tell him that he's wrong wrong wrong wrong and that I will fight back against anything I want to for as long as I can. It may not come as a surprise, but growing older is probably my greatest fear. The knowledge that someday I'll have to slow down, take smaller steps, stop taking leaps of faith, horrifies me. My life right now has been the best I can ever remember and I know that there's still years yet for it to get even better but at the moment I'm loathe to leave it in my past.

Teenagers will always be the ones that are changing the world. When has anything  happened in pop culture that wasn't spearheaded by a group of passionate and rebellious young people? When has anything happened ever without young people shoving it into the light of day?

I want to change the world. I want to incite rebellion, start a movement, lead a crusade. I want my life to be burning fire, sparks flying and wings spreading until I become a part of the undeniable history of the universe. The sanctity of the teenage years doesn't come from the glorious hell that is puberty; the sanctity of the teenage years comes from our first roots of self expression as people who are beginning to have a say into what's happening in the world. Teenagers are known as difficult and rebellious because it's our time of self discovery, and the selves we are discovering aren't happy with the fucked up world that is being handed to us. Don't invalidate the rebellion of teenagers just because someday you think we'll fall in line and play the game. There is no game! The only game is the one that you and your generation have perpetuated to keep yourselves on top. Don't discredit our desire for things to change, and don't contradict us when we say that what you see for us in our future is not what we want for ourselves. 

And yes, this has basically turned into a rant, because I am angry. Teenagers are so important to the future and the thought that everything I am now is being written off as whimsy before I settle in is so disrespectful. I am not someone who needs to be tolerated  until I grow up and become what you deem an acceptable adult. That is you telling me that what I feel and what I think isn't valid until I grow out of it and start catering to society's standards for me. And that is unacceptable.

This is the same anger that I feel when I think about the way I am treated and considered as a teenage girl as well. This is the same teacher that predicts a marriage, and a husband, and a bunch of kids for everyone, and I want to scream that he has no right to tell us what we want, and he has no right to decide that this future is our only option. I want to shout about stupid and unfair dress codes, and discrimination in the government, and the whining about unfair standards from boys who will grow up to make more money than me because I was born female. I don't want to be told that all of this is just a part of typical teenage contrary-ness, that yeah, feminism is totally a thing and there aren't really any groups that are treated as second class citizens any more. I am not a woman who needs to be pandered to until I agree with the way you interpret modern womanhood. 

And so I'm going to take this fucking anger, and I am going to manifest it in something beautiful and dangerous, and I am going to spit in the face of people who think young people, young girls, are irrelevant to today or the future. I will rebel now, and if I ever wake up someday thinking that nothing needs to change, I will rebel again. I will travel and learn new things, and I will protest until you can hear me. And I will win the stupid game, because I have shattered it and reshaped it until it is unrecognizable as what you knew. I will win because I have changed the fucking game.


Let it goooooooo

So I know I've been awful about posting here, but to be fair, I've been grounded the past few weeks so my unsupervised internet access has been severely limited. :( I also noticed that my lost few posts have been super touchy feely, so I think I may avoid that for a little while.

The school year is almost over, thank god. I've never been more stressed out in my entire life. It's been a nightmare and I can't imagine how anyone thrives with this kind of pressure heaped on us by the school system. I'm not taking the AP test for my one AP class, so at the moment all I have to worry about are the SATs and finals in a few weeks. I am not looking forward to either of these.

Big news I forgot to share, I got my driver's license last month!! I drive around my family's old mini van and I absolutely love it. Being able to drive just opens up so many opportunities; I just can't wait to go on road trips with my friends.

In general though, I just feel really tired and a bit dejected all of the time. I just need summer to be here now.

I think that's it for the little update today though, I'll be back here soon!

Source Unknown


Golden Memories

I've kind of been putting off writing this post because I've known what I wanted to write about, but I haven't been able to make myself get the words out of my mind. You guys may know this, since I think I've written about it before, but every year at my school I perform in the winter musical.

This year the musical was Legally Blonde and because of snow days, we ended up being about seven rehearsals behind schedule. The last week and a half of rehearsal (a.k.a. "Hell Week," and aptly named) was one of the most frantic and longest weeks I'd ever had. And I loved every minute of it. I helped a bit with the stage crew because the set transitions were insane. Running around backstage, getting everyone's hair and makeup in place, figuring out where to put our costumes for quick changes; every moment of it was funny and interesting, and made the whole company really focus and work to get the show perfect.

And at the end of everything, when the cast party's done, the senior speeches had been said, and all of the goodbye tears had dried, I took a step back to savor the feeling that for at least a few hours, in my small corner, everything was right in the universe.

Looking around that room, I realized that I was going to have to treasure this glowing feeling forever because it was never going to happen again. That particular group of people, who had worked together and grown together, was never going to be all in the same room together ever again. From that day forward, there would always be someone missing, or who graduated, someone who didn't share the experience of this specific show. And I felt the loss of this family because I knew it was going to evolve and change into something unknown, but at the same time I felt so proud of all of us. The happiness that was so evident in everyone's eyes reflected silvery all through the room and filled up my lungs so I could barely breathe through the joy of it. I wanted to take a step and start floating through the air because I knew with absolute certainty that this love all around me would not let me fall.

And I know that I'll never feel that way again, not exactly. So I'm going to cherish it, and remember it, and let it carry me through dark times, because I know that the world is so full of gorgeous shining moments waiting for me to find, and when that time comes I'll remember that too.

That was a lot more metaphorical than I was originally intending, but I quite like how it turned out. Thanks for listening to me going on about feelings again, guys. I'll see you all soon.

Leslie Ann O'Dell; Unknown; last two courtesy of BKBROWN


The Day of Days

Today was my birthday!! I'm seventeen now. And I know that people say that they don't really feel different when they get older, and I don't, not really. But I can't deny that my birthday has always felt particularly special to me. Every year I wake up and my whole body feels like it's buzzing and floating all day. Usually this is accompanied by lots of smiling and skipping around.

But I can genuinely say that I had a fantastic day. I woke up and had a delicious yet smelly breakfast before getting to go to school and spend the day with my friends. I had to stay after school until late but my mom brought me a fast food dinner from Popeyes, which I get every year for my birthday, and that was awesome too. And then, when I finally got home, my family surprised me with cupcakes and ice cream, and inviting one of my best friends over to celebrate. Then, I got to Skype with friends and important people who live far away.

All in all, I loved every second of it, and I love my friends and I love everything basically.

I hope everyone reading this has as good a day as I just has sometime soon. I love you all too. Goodnight :)


It's Almost Here

God, you guys, I feel awful about totally ignoring this place for so long, but the stress and ridiculous amount of weekend activity in my life has sky rocketed yet again, thank you American school system. Lately all of my thoughts have consisted of college, college majors, panicking about college majors, and ways to keep my parents out of my room so they don't notice how messy it's gotten. Lovely for me, though, I don't have to bother with that last one any more because just yesterday they played on of their favorite games again, something I like to call Literally Kicking Everything On The Floor In Morgan's Room Into The Hallway.

Other things have happened in the last month, I'm sure of it. I can't really think of anything at the moment but I might as well start off with the classic Valentine's Day commentary. My personal interest in Valentine's Day is that the chocolate is crazy cheap the day after, so that's totally awesome. My best friend and I exchanged teddy bears and the one she got for me is totally adorable. It's pretty big and its holding a red heart with roses sewn onto it.

I also finally saw Frozen, the new Disney princess movie!! This guy at school as been singing its compliments for the greater part of a month now, and I have to agree that it was really very good. Elsa and Anna were perfect and I want to put Olaf in my pocket so I can keep him. It did remind me a lot of Tangled, but I maintain that Tangled was better and had a better story. Sorry, but I can;t help myself when it comes to Flynn. :P

Anyway, thought I might as well give you a little update as to how I'm doing, as well as to mention the fact that MY BIRTHDAY IS NEXT WEEK!!. I, this funny-looking little blogger, am turning seventeen next week! It's crazy, I know. I'm still having awkward realizations every so often that I'm already a junior and that the school year is almost thee quarters passed.

Also, I may have accidentally settled on a major to seriously look into as a career, so I'll keep you all up to date on any changed is my commitment phobia department.

See you soon !


Welcome to Hell Frozen Over

Hey guys! It's been a while since I've sat down to type something out, even though it seems like I've had more free time than ever considering that today was the fifth snow day my school has had within a month and a half. I appear to be approaching the limit to how many Best Ink marathons a person can enjoy in a small period of time.

I do enjoy the snow, though. Maybe not rolling around in it, thanks to a past trauma involving a pair of skinny jeans, but I do think that a world covered in snow is one of the prettiest things to witness. It makes everything seem shiny and bright, like a good rain makes everything smell new and green.

I like wasting time doing that when I'm bored sometimes. I'll try and think of what everything smells like and reminds me of. Since snow-covered air is the cleanest, most wonderful thing, I'd say it smells like the color white or blue. The beach smells like neon teal, and campfires smell like a creeping, almost seductive kind of grey-maroon.

Okay, I just read that back to myself and it sounds pretty dumb now. Oh well.

I wish I could at least go Ice skating, but my parents are busy actually working during the work week and I don't have any other ways of getting a ride. I adore ice skating, I think it feels like flying. It's one of the very best things about winter. If I could skate really well I would want to join a hockey team, I think. On reflection, I may have an alarming tendency for rather dangerous sports. This theory is supported by my kind of obsessive interest in lacrosse, hockey, and roller derby. If I ever thought for a minute I could be on a football team and get to be something other than the kicker, I'd do that in a heartbeat.

I think that's enough rambling for me today. Goodnight, folks.


My Room is a Warzone

Hey you guys. It's finally the weekend and I could cry I'm so relieved. I officially have no obligations to anyone for the next two days.

So tonight, I feel like talking about my room. It's not actually a war zone, like the title states, unless you count the fact that it's usually so messy that you can't see the floor. No. My room is perfect. I have stuff on all of my walls, and it's so beautiful and colorful. I hate the cold and the temperature in here is always a few degrees warmer than the rest of the house too. At this exact moment, I'm snuggled under the covers on my bed, convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is the most comfortable place on earth. If I could survive here, I wouldn't ever move.

In all honestly, this room is my happy place. It's were I go to be entirely at peace. I can hide around up here and relish the joy of being absolutely alone. This feeling is like being surrounded by a field of silence where there's no movement and I can let my bones melt into the ground. Sometimes I just need to let myself disappear for a little bit, and this space gives me something to come home to when the rest of the world doesn't do anything but burn into little pieces.

Anyway, I'm almost falling asleep over the keyboard so I'm going to sign off. Thanks for reading guys.


The Future

January is almost over you guys! My mid-terms are next week, but I feel like its actually two weeks ago. Why does it seem like this school year is going so fast? I don't feel old enough to be in high school, let alone starting to look at colleges and start planning my future.

The problem with junior year is not only that it starts off with all of the pressure just piling one, but it seems that every adult has collectively decided that my career interests are literally the only thing worth talking about anymore. Which is fantastic, because I don't actually have any idea what I want to do with my life. The other day when I went to my guidance counselor to start discussing schools, she asked for any potential majors I'd be interested in and after a minute I managed a tentative "history...and animals?". I ended up with the lovely combination of international affairs, zoology, and marine biology. And then I immediately went home and started contemplating possibly becoming a doctor or a journalist.

Am I just an impossible commitment phobe? Everything I've ever wanted to be has either been instantly counted out because its entirely unrealistic (goodbye cowgirl dreams) or I've obsessed over until I spiraled into a panic and questioned whether I had any interest in anything. I've always wanted to be a fashion designer or involved in fashion some way but I'm the opposite of creative and I barely get anytime to sew or practice. In eighth grade I went through a little psychologist phase after reading It's Kind of a Funny Story where I was insistent that I would help people with major mental health problems. Then I decided that I would be monumentally awful at that. Last year I was absolutely convinced that I would be going to Med school and joining the navy. That whole thing lasted longer than you'd expect, and my interest in becoming a doctor has only waned a little since the realization that I wince at blood.

Even now, when I'm actually signed up for college visits and just about able to get my actual drivers license, I don't feel like I even have a fighting chance in the real world. All I've ever wanted was to travel and now that I'm starting to face the reality of my future I see it happening less and less.

Why does moving on have to be so hard? Sometimes I wish I could pause the universe for a while. If i could be suspended in limbo at this moment, I'd be happy to just drift for a while.

On a much more impressive note (in my opinion), as of yesterday I successfully watched five seasons of Scrubs in five days. It was totally awesome. I'm in the middle of the sixth season now and I just love this show. I haven't binge watched that many things before so not only do I feel sun- and sleep-deprived, but I've already begin the process where I latch onto my favorite character emotionally and start subconsciously mimicking their particular speech patterns. I was fortunate enough to become emotionally attached to Dr. Cox, so not only has my use of sarcasm shot through the freaking roof, but my mid-sentence pauses have been getting longer too.

Also, it's been nice going through all my "ooooh my fuuutuuure" angst while watching this show. It's just nice having something  that goes along the same lines as how your feeling.

That was really rambly guys, I know, but these posts that are basically me just typing for an extended amount of time have helped me a lot. It might be obvious, but I've been having a lot of trouble with anxiety for a while now and just being able to write these out make me feel so much better.

I'll write again soon, I promise. Thanks, and goodnight.


Sometimes, in my moments of weakness, I try to make myself think about him without smiling. And then I realize that I can't. And I wonder how I ever could have thought I didn't love him anymore. 


a.k.a. "I thought this post would be done by Saturday"

Do you ever have one of those ridiculous moments where you just have to stop and stare at your hand, and all you can do is just stop and wonder that we're all humans? We're literally just strangely evolved animals that eat their food off of plates,  and we have this super weird language/way of communication that's basically just everyone grunting, but we have hundreds of specific ways of grunting and all of those ways to grunt mean something different in different places. And the grunting has dialects. I have these moments on an alarmingly regular basis, and usually during dinner so I also get to worry my parents with my many revelations. One of these times happened just a few hours ago so I thought I'd try to finally verbalize it.

It just makes me feel so impossibly small. At the same time it makes me feel an incredible amount of pride to just be alive, like I'm swelling up and glowing until I just consume the whole world. There's so much potential. It's exhilarating. When I get like this I like to lay in bed and listen to Lana Del Ray for hours while my mind debates whether or not it would be worth it to spiral into yet another existential crisis. Perhaps I have those a bit to often for someone my age. The rush of embracing life makes it worth the effort; there's almost nothing comparable.

I'm staring at my hands as I type this (and not only because I need to look at the keyboard to avoid extra typos) and feel like all of the energy in the world is running through my veins to my fingertips. Moments like these make me feel happiness in one of the purest ways I can remember feeling, like daisies and light and yellow have exploded out of my chest and I can't help but smile. I could do anything right now. I could post this and then pick up a notebook and start writing the world next great work of literature or practice drawing until I can create something truly beautiful.

And that's something else too. I just feel this unbelievable urge to create and just spend my whole life writing and drawing and dancing and singing until I can emerge from my cave and be happy. I want that more than anything.

Maybe this will be a good year after all.

1. http://teganjackson.blogspot.com/; 2. Filipa Aurelio's tumblr; 3. from the Ulysses series by Miles Donovan; 4. Unknown


A Whole New Year

In the over-all scheme of  things, the beginning of a new year isn't all that big of a deal. It's something fun to celebrate, and it's an excuse to stay up all night drinking sparkling cider. However, it has been officially one year since I started this blog!! Happy birthday, I guess.

Actually I'm a little late, but no biggie.

I realize that updates weren't consistent in any form of the word, but I actually kept up with it, which I am honestly surprised by. I love having this as a place to rant or vent or obsess if I need the outlet, and I truly appreciate it if you've taken the time over the past year to drop by and read what I have to say. I know that there are a million things we could be doing with our time at any minute, so if you've decided that this blog was work your time, I owe you a thousand thanks.

Now on to brighter things in the new year! I'm not a huge resolution person because, as far as I'm aware, this blog has been the only resolution I've ever made that I successfully stood by. Therefore, I've decided that there is something wrong with New Year's resolutions. How are people even supposed to remember these things? Why do they need the encouragement of a change on the calender to decide that now is the right time to start improving themselves? I guess I'm a hypocrite though, because I love making new year's resolutions. The idea that a new year can bring a new slate is a wonderful one; the idea of second chances and a fresh start. I just hate that they always end up being things to try and make myself better. Yeah, I can promise myself that I'm actually going to keep my school work neat, organized, and color coded, but that has no bearing on the fact that my backpack is inevitably a disaster zone by the second month of school. So this year my resolutions are just goals that I have, have had for a while now, and aren't going to try and alter any cornerstones of my being.


  • get an actual, real-life job and save the money
  • get driver's license
  • practice rollerskating on pavement
  • run away with my best friend to new York for a weekend (parental permission highly recommended)
  • dye my hair again
  • learn how to skateboard
  • take advantage of Netflix access to watch every movie ever made

And there you have it! Morgan's list of goals to hopefully accomplish in the new year.

Thanks for listening to me guys, and a happy new year to you all. I'll see you soon.